As some of you have already figured out by reading previous blogs, the man they call Zack “The Jew” lives a pretty interesting life. I know because I had the privilege of living with the slob while we both were in college.
Yes, I am the drunken guy that bangs my head against things and overall becomes a redneck with each sip of whiskey I consume. I am the one he calls Fosh.
I still like to party and I still hit my head on things when I drink, but since then I have some how became a productive member of a shitty society.
Over the years of our friendship I have come to realize a few things about Jew’s personality that translates in the actions he takes out in various situations.
Jew and I played rugby together. You can ask anyone who has ever played rugby, who you are on the field, dictates the person you really are in life. The same applies for our blog writer.
Jew was never the most athletic person on the field, but he made up for it in determination and guts. The same goes for his game off the field. His female social skills is lacking in what some call ‘game.’ He made up for his lack of game in determination, guts, and one hell of a wingman (cough, cough, hint, hint).
Jew may have picked his game up since he left the states or maybe his accent is really working that well. Jew’s “game” is much like a pitcher in the major’s. Sometimes he goes out and throws strikes the entire game and even closes. Sometimes he just sits on the mound and chews on his glove.
Jew, like myself for a while, always seems to attract some crazy females. There was the crazy bi-polar girl from Los Angeles (which should be his first indicator that she was bat shit crazy, I mean that place is from the fruit cake capital of the world). There was Morbidly Shiny aka Pageant Girl (she seriously refereed to something as being morbidly shiny like the gloss of a fire). The list goes on, and believe it or not, they get crazier with each girl.
There is just something about Jew that attracts girls with self-destructive habits and daddy issues. He may look like Dr. Phil in a few years, but he really is an asshole. Maybe these girls are punishing themselves by being with him.
I have no room to talk. I have had the bat shit girl magnet around my neck for a while. We won’t go into any details about me, but in some ways they surpass Jew’s.
I digress.
My point is, even half way around the globe, if there is a crazy chick to sleep with, Jew will be the first to unbuckle the straightjacket and take the plunge with his penis.
Jew has made me proud. Few of you may not know this but a few months ago he thought he had met “the one.” Now he is out sticking anything that moves in the back of hatchback cars and getting phone numbers on used condom wrappers. If that doesn’t make a best friend proud nothing will.
Going forward I urge all of you to remember two things. Number One: Never Eat the worm. Number Two: Remember this name, the International (Insert future here) of Hebrew and Fosh.
The two of us are going to take over the world. Jew is starting from New Zealand. I am doing it from a Podunk town. Eventually we will own you so be nice.
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